I should be excited

I just received emailed photos of my new home (in its raw state). Unfortu-nately (or fortunately, considering the size of the place), the kids aren't included in the deal. New place, big move, closer to people I love, I should be filled with anticipation and plans.

But right now my mind is focused on Mom and how long she might have left. (She's already having trouble sitting because of the pain.) And, horribly egocentric as it is, I am worried about what's coming up for me. I talked to my own family doc last week and he agreed, the vertigo isn't caused by any of the medications I am still taking. The three primary possibilities, he told me, for causing a "more central" (i.e. brain-related) vertigo like mine are: multiple sclerosis, acoustic neuroma, or brain tumour. The MRI is scheduled for Oct 26th.

A part of me is going "Ohshitohshitohshit", especially when I read the wiki page on MS and I wonder if I've been misdiagnosed all these years with Fibromyalgia. (The overheating, that's the one that strikes me.) Or when a longtime friend, the one with whom synchronicity was always most meaningful, emails out of the blue that one of his friends has just been diagnosed with a brain tumour. But that shock also snaps me right out of my moping stupor, and makes me realize I need to follow my grandmother's advice: Don't borrow trouble.

I'm sure the MRI will be clear, and we (the various docs & I) can go on to explore what else might be causing constant vertigo for nine months (and frequently for long periods before that), unceasing headaches (that aren't sinusitus, the ENT says) & pressure, tinnitus, parasthesia, pain & muscle stiffness, extreme fatigue, vision weirdness (but not prescription changes), cognitive, memory, & speech problems, bladder & bowel problems, hyperosmia, and, most recently, balance & coordination difficulties. (Yes, those could almost be copied straight from the MS faq, but they weren't. The list is from the notes I made for myself to talk over with my doctor.)

Picking out flooring and paint colours will be a good distraction. The big question is whether or not to paint out the kitchen cupboards.