On the midway

Life is a speeding rollercoaster at the moment. The corkscrew kind.

Work is frantic, but I can handle that; working full-time (a two-person job) will be done by Sept. 24th for me, after all.

What I'm not sure I can handle is not seeing my mother. Amid all the gafuffle of the job & the possible move & all the doctors' appointments, I lost the plan to see her this apple season. And now her cancer is back. Ovarian. She was originally given two years to live, not quite three and a half years ago. The doctors aren't really sure how to handle her because they aren't accustomed to anyone surviving like this.

The new mass is still too small to treat so it's "wait and see" as yet. Yeah, right, like there's gonna be some outcome other than the usual. These are the same doctors who told her she was "just depressed" (the multiple ways that offends me is an epic rant I won't scream out in this post) for years while the original mass was growing so large they had to take out half her insides when they finally did figure out what the fuck was happening and removed it. Even the surgeon was a bit shocked when he was done. ("We had to do extensive surgery," he kept repeating.)

I'm 1162.92 km (722.76 miles, thank you Mapquest) away from her and I may not get to help her pick apples and make pies and sauce and whatever else we can come up with. I have to figure out a way to do this.

Sorry, just found out last night, still reeling from the news, even though it wasn't unexpected.


Somehow all the wonderful, joyful moments aren't ending up in here, just the stuff I need somehow both to remember and forget, usually upsetting. Maybe I'll change that.